Children & Divorce: 6 Ways To Minimize The Impact

The ugly truth is that far more couples these days are getting divorced than ever before.

The divorce rate is high for young couples as well as older couples. Divorce is never an easy process and can be emotionally exhausting for both parties.

Children: The Collateral Damage Of Divorce

Children of divorcing parties, whether young or old, often suffer the emotional fallout of divorce. Mom and dad get so caught up in the division of marital property, finances, alimony, and child support that that they don’t realize how their children are physically and emotionally handling the divorce.
Divorce does impact children

Always keep in mind that what is best for your children should always come first. Their ability to adjust to the whole divorce process may take longer than you expect. It is not uncommon for children to carry a false sense of hope that their parents will reconcile at some point. This makes it difficult for them to accept the reality that mom and dad are splitting up and going their separate ways. Children typically love both parents and really don’t understand why their parents want to split up.

How Mitigate The Potential Damage

There are several tips that I believe are the most important when divorcing parents decide to inform the children of the divorce. I believe if these tips are taken to heart and utilized consciously then the whole process may be somewhat easier on the parents and children alike.

  • Break the news to your children about the divorce with your spouse present. Inform them together as a family and assure them that they are not responsible for the break up and that you and your spouse simply cannot live together anymore.
  • Assure the children that they are loved very much by you and your spouse and that nothing will ever change that. If both parents make every effort to co-parent throughout the process then it is less likely that the children will act out.
  • Encourage your children to ask questions and voice their concerns to both you and your spouse throughout the divorce process and after. This will make the children feel more open and at ease during the time of separation.
  • Avoid confrontation with your spouse and/or discussing facts of the case with your spouse in the presence of the children. Learning about the divorce is difficult enough on the children. Do not let them see the ugliness of the process and keep matters civil at all times.
  • Encourage your children to spend time with your spouse and vice versa. They need to know that both parents are still equally involved in their lives.
  • If you have a significant other during the divorce process, you should refrain from bringing him/her around your children or even letting your children learn that you are seeing someone. Your children need to deal with the divorce process one step at a time.

These are just a few tips that will help you deal with your children and make the process of divorce a little bit easier. Divorce is never an easy thing to go through and when children are involved it will become even more stressful. Always remember that before anything else, your children and their well being should be your first priority.

“Fighting for your rights”  Contact David Weissman and the law firm of Hollins, Raybin & Weissman for a confidential consultation of your case today at 615-256-6666.

Congratulations To Vince Wyatt!

Weissman, Vince and Ashley at Vince Wyatt's going away party

Weissman, Vince and Ashley at Vince’s going away party

The lawyers and staff of Hollins Raybin and Weissman want to take this opportunity to congratulate Vince Wyatt on his decision to join the Metropolitan Nashville District Attorney office.

After his many years with the firm, Vince decided this was a good time to make a change in his career path. He has been a staunch and zealous advocate for his clients, and proven to be an outstanding attorney and friend.

While he will be missed greatly, we wish Vince the best on this exciting move.

Hollins, Raybin and Weissman at Vince Wyatt's going away party

Raybin, Weissman and Hollins at the going away party

Surviving Divorce: Who Can You Trust During the Process?

surviving divorce

Surviving divorce can be a difficult process and it helps to have a solid network of support to assist you along the way. However, it’s rarely helpful to seek advice and counsel from everyone you encounter.

Although it might seem helpful at first, it can be extremely detrimental to you and your family to have multiple people weighing in with their opinions and advice on such an important decision.

Surviving Divorce: Where to Get Support

So, whom should you trust? Here are some key considerations about who you should turn to survive the difficult process of divorce:

1. Be careful around recently divorced people.

Myth: Every recently divorced person is an expert on the subject. Another myth: Recently divorced people will tell you everything you need to hear. In reality: Rarely will he or she tell you what you need to hear.

2. Be cautious with well-meaning family and friends.

When you are going through a divorce, your entire circle of family and friends may feel compelled to weigh in on the process. However, you should be extremely cautious about following the legal advice from anyone who isn’t your divorce attorney.

In most cases, the advice that you get from your “well-meaning” friends and family is worth exactly what you pay for it. Absolutely nothing!

Don’t allow your family and friends to create unrealistic expectations about your case. The facts of your case are as unique as you are.

3. Seek emotional support from your closest family and friends.

While it is important that you are cautious with their legal advice, consider seeking emotional support from family or friends that you would trust to manage your money or raise your children.

Rely on those who will tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. There is a huge difference between needs and wants.

4. Get help from support groups.

Legitimate divorce support groups sponsored by mainstream churches or qualified healthcare professionals are usually helpful. Make sure that the head of these groups are qualified to give advice on the subject.

There are excellent national resources and local resources that revolve around helping those who are surviving divorce.

5. Trust your attorney.

When it comes to the legal aspects of your case, you must follow the advice of your family law attorney. Therefore, it is imperative that you choose a divorce attorney that you trust with your money, your children, and your future.

6. Disclose confidential information only to your attorney

Every detail of your case must be disclosed to your attorney. The details you disclose will remain confidential only between you and your attorney. This information often contains intimate details about the client that is embarrassing. Only in certain circumstances, may your attorney disclose intimate details about your case without your consent.

7. Keep intimate details about your case to yourself

The attorney-client privilege only applies to information the client discloses to the attorney during the scope of the client’s representation. The same rule does not apply to the client disclosures made to any third party including family and friends.

Often times, those who you would trust to carry your deepest secrets to their grave are the very ones who act as a double agent and disclose this information to your spouse.

What You Musn’t Do When Surviving Divorce

A few years ago, I represented a husband who suspected that his wife was having an affair and he was right! The wife had been having the affair for over a year and made the critical mistake of telling her best friend all of the intimate details.

Unbeknownst to the wife, her friend also shared with her new boyfriend everything the wife told her. The boyfriend, who was recently divorced as a result of his wife’s adultery, contacted my client and gave him every detail of his wife’s affair including all trips planned in the future.

We hired a private investigator to document the details of the wife’s trip with her paramour. The private investigator videotaped the wife frolicking on the beach and verified that the couple was staying in the same hotel room together.

In mediation, we learned that the wife had not disclosed the affair to her attorney. The wife’s attorney threatened to fire her on the spot after she saw the private investigator photographs and videotapes of the affair. This information helped me negotiate a very favorable settlement for my client.

Always remember, when in doubt, keep your mouth shut. The phrase, “loose lips sink ships” applies to divorce cases as well!

Surviving Divorce: How to Emotionally Prepare for Divorce

Surviving Divorce: How to Emotionally Prepare for Divorce

Regrettably, far too many marriages end in divorce. In fact, 2.4 million Americans got divorced in 2012. And, that number has increased for the third year in a row.

In our society, divorce is an ever-present reality to every couple that decides to marry. Therefore, if you are ever faced with this decision to get divorced, you must mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for the difficulties that lie ahead.

Every divorce case is unique because each person involved in a divorce is unique. No one is ever fully prepared for all the issues that accompany a divorce.

I know. I have been divorced myself.

I have also been a family law attorney for almost 27 years and have represented hundreds of people going through this difficult process. Therefore, I know first-hand that every client, family member and friend must be fully prepared to embrace the process.

Emotional Preparation for the Divorce Process

If you are considering a divorce, one of the best things you can do is to prepare yourself emotionally. Although every situation is different, there are a few important reminders you must consider as you embark on the divorce process:

1. Divorce isn’t easy.

Naturally, the decision to divorce is one of the most significant decisions you will ever make. Divorce is a traumatic experience for everyone involved. Nothing about it is ever pleasant or easy.

Divorce can be emotionally and economically devastating to you, your spouse, your children and your entire family. Divorce and child custody cases involve many complex issues because they deal with couples that were madly in love with each other at one point.

Oftentimes, they grow to hate each other just as much. In most cases, there is a thin line between love and hate.

2. You are not a failure.

For individuals proceeding down the path of divorce, you must keep in mind that you are not a failure as a spouse, a parent, or a person.

Perfect marriages don’t exist. Perfect spouses do not exist. Perfect parents don’t exist. Perfect children don’t exist. Dysfunction exists in all of our households. It’s just a matter of degree.

3. There are no guarantees.

Unfortunately, we all live in an imperfect world. Bad things do happen to good people. That means sometimes good people get bad results in divorce cases.

Life is not always fair. Divorce is not always fair. The legal system is not always fair.

Sometimes a spouse and/or parent can do everything right and still wind up divorced with a household of messed up kids with a mind that will be emotionally scarred forever.

Unfortunately, there are no guarantees in life. Marriage and divorce are no different. Keeping this in mind will help you through this challenging process.

How to Survive the Challenges of Divorce

Certainly, there are additional things you can do to help prepare yourself for a divorce so you can survive the process with your head, heart and dignity in tact.

In fact, that’s why I decided to write a book about it.

My book, Surviving Divorce, is the product of the wisdom I have gained as an experienced family law attorney. My book is a commonsense guide to dealing with the physical, emotional, and spiritual stresses that divorce puts on an individual, their friends and their families.

If you would like additional tips about how to survive going through a divorce, I encourage you to check out my book. You can get it here.